bus ride out of town

but my hands are shaking now
dropping the coins on the counter top
a smile at a stranger
an apathetic anger
because who knows yourself?
you know there's no one else

but your family
but your friends
and the guilt never ends

so let's run away again
and again
and again
and again

steven

you're so small
but your mind is so big
your mind is so big
you can't handle it

when you turn someone away from you
you do it for yourself
you don't deserve a thing, do you?
you and nobody else

all you have is pretty songs
and those that sing along
the quiet strum of your guitar
quells the inner wrong

but now the set list's crumpled up
a reminder of the past
replaced by a scribbled "god forgive me"
when you couldn't forgive yourself

we sit and cry and think of you
and i hope you know
death leads you to nowhere
but where else is there to go?

kitchen nightmares

do you remember the day we made the earth shake?
sprinkler vision that made us feel great
magical white fades into a blur
the cats eyed us suspiciously with a soft purr
so we walked down to the river, the sky a soft pink
my hand was in yours though it's not what you think
you and those crystals are just a distraction
a defensive reaction
now let's toast with a drink
pour me some captain
i'm tired of thinking about all that has happened...

it is what it is

it is what it is
his eyes are wide
true feelings wrapped like candy
in disguise
charcoal cracks hot
burns under my fingers
but physical pain
ain't the kind that lingers
ignore and hit the pipe
after our fuck
skin that's soft
touching skin that tough
your crooked smile
teaches the letters OK
but at dawn you'll get up
drive that old car away

giving up, giving in

got a bottle of sugar at my side
down the urban watering hole
i take a spoon and sift it out
brain talk finally seems to slow

red pigment on my fingertips
neck bent to see the prose
lines deepen in between the brow
when the sun lifts up my eyes

but not when i got you, sugar
when it's good it's only smiles
all the rain you bring down
goes to the back of the file

longing and nonsense when i turn to you
the bones in my wrist are corroding now
the poet confesses to the poet
couldn't figure out what you were about

secret tongue

a mushroom cloud forms from her lips
filigree from her fingertips
a smile with everything to hide
a past of questions
and of whys

but you know she's never there
feeling the empty burning stare
hold her down and fill her up
all she's good for is a fuck

but the dirty words that escape her mouth
aren't really what she wants to shout
"fuck me," as her face turns blue
but she really meant, "fuck you"

stay

stay put
says the whisper in my ear
there's nothing here for you to fear
but your own fears
your own lies
your own face
your alibies
your friends
your mouth
the sex you give

now go on!
go on and live!

estelle

there are no rivers here
no bridges long or tall
no shelter to find in the rain
when you nod and fall

sun and win intoxication
makes her cheeks turn red

she rides the horse along the shore
of that filthy lake
will you make the promise too?
of the beauty of the fake

her stallion takes it all away
they want to understand
and so she hides her scars away
deep beneath the land