thirty one

point forward to tomorrow
grin back at yesterday
the present is full of sleepless nights
one of us always pays

we made love on a rooftop garden
in a windy place of a foreign land
memories flow back from that night
but now i seal the pain that binds your hands

just a retrospection
a savior and one lost
but what a shame
love often leads
to signals that are crossed

when she is here but she is gone
standing on your dirty lawn
standing in your dirty thoughts
no words
no mouth
she's so withdrawn

she said no
love will not come
so will you wait
or embrace decay

the choice is yours
i hope you stay

kings

my eyeballs are dry and i'm wondering why
i'm so damn unsatisfied
the snow won't be 'round long and i'm done being wrong
but i'm so damn unsatisfied

i know there's a time when i need to give in
it doesn't matter
i don't even know what i'm trying to win

it feels like i'm smashing an empty pinata
it feels like playing kings by myself
it's hedonistic
it's intrinsic

and i feel so empty when i'm not pessimistic

a vacancy proceeds
whether my heads up high
or on my knees
so i'll fill it up
with a paper cup
full of pills

just kiss them back until you can't
until you don't feel better

beer tears

liquid gold is tumbling down
changing nothing it surrounds
it taints already tainted parts
but it feels as good as fucking you
it makes me feel like touching you
when all my body feels is pain
a string of lights surrounds me
but my eyes remain
on the ground

i never said this isn't me
sadness blooms from my being
i try to make the garden full
so the weed won't penetrate me
but it keeps on generating
so hold me tight now, baby
'cos i keep looking to the past
the lists of plans i made in oakland
the promises i made to him
keep making them to each new man
it's finally time to burn those plans

for now, i'll keep swimming
wading through the grainy colors
tomorrow you'll be just another

another winter

this seat warms my back my ass my legs
and i don't feel a thing that's out of place
the miles and miles of street lights we follow
they don't bother me tonight
i'm bathing in that bright orange light

it's so soft and colorful and deep in my chest
it's the chilly lace that appears as your breath
it's the ribbon that links two bodies together
thickening as you wait for the culmination
the most bittersweet frustration

it's a waiting game now
i'm checking my cell phone
to look for the time
'cos he just called me his own

he's in the car now and he feels up her tits
god knows if he's picturing some other chick
i don't think she cares
'cos those hands feel so good
and the air gets hotter
and her eyes look so green
he won't see the beauty
he's going so quick

so glad we didn't let that bomb hit the ground
what begins in chaos ends in chaos
everything is now draped so anxiously good
but whatever, who cares
we'll bring it all down

waste

i went around too far to come back
and i knew what was coming to me
it still hits as hard as a heart attack
it hurts so much to be free

all i want to do is drink this shit away
with the black label stuck on my chest
but the sky still looks so gray today
because that boy was the best

so down another one and we'll toast to the past
deep down we knew that nothing would last

mnye nuzhna ona

pupils backed by green and brown
sliding sliding all the way down
and i can't retreat to where i can't be found

my focus remained upon those hips
pink lips covered by fingertips
there is a burning in my core
telling me to ask for more

now she's in the back room making out
with some dumb kid that she's all about
though i just met her i feel so sad
'cos i know she's all i never had

just wanna go down on that smooth soft skin
but i can't tell her, i can't begin
can't stand the idea of her scorn
she was not born as i was born

so i'll go and make love to my man
and pretend i feel those pretty hands

jesse is sleeping 2

your mouth hanging open
as you sleep on past noon
your arms at your legs
like you're curled in the womb
your back is turned to me
shoulder blades on my face
i wonder if you feel the kisses i place
on your spine
on your muscles
while you slumber sandmen's grace
my eyelids are heavy
and my mouth can't yet move
but i'll always find a way to say
i love you