the overindulgence of drugs and true love

when those scarred arms wrap around mine
it feels like that hit i got the first time
it feels like home
like i'm never alone
maybe that's why i never want to leave
why every time we part i just want to grieve
i copy and paste my thoughts unto you
and you make me feel like they are worthy and true
you make me feel like i could cry like the rain
'cos i can't stand to go home again and again
when those scarred arms hold me, i don't want the drugs
i don't want the needle
i just want your love
when you look into my face you are all that i feel
and sometimes i just can't believe this is real
'cos when i am bored i can just talk to you
we talk and we talk until we turn blue
though sometimes i feel like i'll just turn away
and instead meet the white lady
like i did yesterday
so i'll hop on my bike
i'll ride into town
and look at the trees as i'm drifting around
and sob into my hands
'cos i don't know what to do
when i'm missing the drugs
but turn to you

allegheny monogahela ohio

everything is beautiful
everything is safe
your thoughts will never hurt you
your mind will never break

flowers and marble patios
to smoke cigarettes on
and a vase filled with reisling wine
to drink when i am gone

it never rains here
but the grass does flow
don't you worry how
you'll never know

don't think about this
it just brings pain
don't think one single thought again

'cos everything is beautiful
everything is safe
your thoughts won't hurt you anymore
your mind will never break

but if you find you tire of
this happiness you find
turn the sun dial to the three rivers
dig your grave into the ground

earth

it keeps me grounded
like your god
in the bitter earth
in the passing fog
that i see from the top deck
with the rising morning sun
that reaffirms everything
we thought we had won

tressa weis

There was one day when I looked in the mirror
Saw everything I wanted to see
But now that image continually get clearer
Faded greys, and oranges, and pinks
And I realize what I saw was distorted
By the self-medication I once knew
I see what lies in the "true me" and
I don't know how to get through

I'm so confused
Don't know what to do
Rely on you
I wish I knew...

looking past all that

that mysterious girl with the funny expression looks away from you
down into her lap, where she plays a hand rolled cigarette like a flute
you didn't know those half smile lips would end up sticking like glue
that you'd feel the pale soft skin of her chest and her breath move

nothing is what you expect
it just feels like the best
and she feels it too, ya know
but she doesn't know what to do

there's a crack under the hair she dyed to emulate mimsy and edie and mia
says that she tells you everything under there, but the truth is you have no idea
you see the hands tick and the cogs beneath turning in the hidden galleria
it makes you feel guilty but it turns you on, the little girl lost, your Cytherea

nothing is what you expect
it just feels like the best
but you better watch out, ya know
'cos she just doesn't know what to do

so just keep rolling on
what other choice do you have?
so just keep rolling on
until things get too bad

so just keep rolling on
the only choice you want to have
so just keep rolling on
right now things aren't too bad

there's an outline of a problem in the imprint her frame leaves on your bed
but all you can view is the lines that come from her smiles and the dimple instead
and the feeling that rises like the steam from her coffee maker when you open the lid
all the plans and the trips you imagine for you and her in the time still ahead

nothing is what you expect
it just feels like the best
but you better watch out, ya know
'cos she just doesn't know what to do

so just keep rolling on

4:21

sometimes i feel
yeah, i feel so alone
i feel so alone
i just wanna go home
but i know what is there
what is waiting for me
waiting for nothing
and that nothing's not free
so i'll dance in the shadows
shadows of my head
waiting to take me
to make me dead
so i'll turn away
i'll turn away from you
and i'll say hey
what you doin' there babe?
what you doin' to me?
there is nothing that's free
and that nothing is me
but i'm tired of being
i'm tired of me
what will be will be
no longer four twenty

jesse

jesse is sleeping
sighing aloud
i wonder what he dreams about
cos when he opens those blue eyes
he dilates
he petrifies
all of the unhealed within me
but does love truly set one free?
an illusion
some call it
a mask from the pain
an umbrella in the acid rain
and who knows what lies deep inside
one thousand smiles
one thousand lies
or could i get what i need from you?
shiva, tell me this is true
until then
in this bed, we'll lay
until the lake on fire comes our way

me and you

rays throughout the clouds
bring blue to a light hue
this city is so fucking large
swallowing me and you

the ducks paddle their orangish toes
into the teal blue
the water is so calm this morning
swallowing me and you

and i pass a hand rolled cigarette
to the fisher and his crew
he ignores our excited hellos
that swallow me and you

a doubledecker that allowed no sleep
it took us pretty far
will we find what we're looking for?
hold the empty in a jar

this sunrise cracks my skull open
injects a better brue
embalm us, throw us in this lake
swallowing me and you

farmer's market

stars are green
they hang from trees
though a chill runs
through the windy city

i hear the banjo strum
and a grin it strums
high voices and high hearts
colorful things in stranger's arms
that grow from the ground

there's no alarm

sweet tastes
fresh air
my eyes are aglow
and we lay on the earth

where no one else knows

and i hope you can see
deep within me
dive beneath the waves
of brown and green

beneath the lashes
beneath the sting
the sun really does shine
with these stains on pants gray

i just want to say
i just want to say